Time is like a shadow. You can never catch it. If you hurry, it hurries. If you slow down, it slows down.
Today I am 32.
I have been working in Beijing for more than seven years. I increasingly feel like an outsider. “Outsider” is the keyword that fits me lately.
I cannot put down roots here, and I do not intend to (perhaps stubbornly). I came to Beijing because it is a big city with more opportunities for growth. I am not ambitious. Being an ordinary person is enough for me. So in this big city, I am an outsider.
Entering community operations in IT was not my plan; it was a lucky accident. After seven years in operations and more than two years in open-source operations, I still feel like I have only scratched the surface. I have been in the open-source circle for two years, yet I still do not feel fully integrated, still an outsider.
I believe everyone feels the broader environment this year. For me, the difficulty of open-source operations seems to have increased. Partly due to the environment, partly because KubeSphere is already mature and growth has slowed. Other factors also play a role. Sometimes I feel lost about new directions, so I focus on doing my best within my limited capacity. But I still feel like an outsider, because sometimes I put in extra effort without seeing extra results.
At 32, I have been married for less than a year and have no children yet. It is late by traditional standards. I rarely return to my hometown and spend little time with my parents. I once told my wife that I rarely see my father smile; maybe my wedding was his happiest moment. This is not just me; many people are similar. Parents want marriage and children; when those goals are achieved, they finally feel relieved. In my parents’ eyes, I sometimes feel like an outsider too; we have less to talk about.
Fortunately, with my wife I am not an outsider. We built a family together; we are partners. I hope I never become an outsider to her.
Becoming an outsider has reasons, and I will try to solve them. If some cannot be solved, then so be it.
There is no build-up here. I am simply writing down recent confusion; otherwise it sticks in my throat.
I want to find people to talk with, but I seem to have lost friends, made no new ones, and found no like-minded companions. I enjoy literature and read literary books.
I want to find people to talk about what they have read recently, what they learned, and what they plan to read.
I want to find people to talk about operations, recent challenges, and insights.
I want to find people to chat casually, waste some time, and just talk.
If you are looking for that too, feel free to find me (code: zhaofawei26).